Take it to the fridge

So a friend of mine did a turkey earlier in the week, I guess for the sheer joy of having leftovers or something, and posted a picture for all to behold.

So.

Is it just me, or does this kinda look like a T-rex?



No? Ok, wait, how 'bout now?


Still just me? Huh. Maybe I need to go lie down for a while.


Meanwhile, the illustrious Whiskeypants makes a compelling case for naming your Thanksgiving turkey "SexyBack". I have not the words.

Happy Halloween

Of course, the REALLY special holiday is tomorrow, so in advance, I'd like to wish you all a Happy Discount Candy Day.

"We're not made of money! We'll swim to Oakland!"

So, there's this thing. This "local artists showcasing their stuff" thing. And I'm going to be one of those artists. Showcasing my stuff. Possibly even selling it. You know, if anyone buys it. It'll be for sale, anyway.

It's tonight.

Tonight seemed a long way off, two months ago. Two months ago when my friend and I signed up, thinking, "Hey, this'll be a great way to remove our bullshit excuses and throw ourselves out there."

And don't get me wrong, I think we were right about that. But I've never done this before. I don't even have a goddamn etsy shop, which is ridiculous, because I think everyone and their mother has an etsy shop these days. (I should probably get on that, but it's not really high on my priority list just yet.)

But anyway, it looks like it'll be fun. Selling stuff isn't really the point, though I'll probably be thrilled if it happens. The point is, I'm actually getting brave enough to put myself out there---acting brave, anyway, if not really feeling it at the moment---rather than hiding out until I decide I'm "good enough", which of course, will never happen if that's what I'm waiting for. I made a ton of silly feathery hats and costumey shit, and I had fun making them. They make me smile. It's not exactly What I Want To Do Forever, but it's not like "dicking around on the Internet" is what I want to do forever either, and lord knows I do plenty of that. It's been a long time since I've looked on my work with anything resembling satisfaction. I'm finally starting to feel like the person I wanted to grow up to be. That's a really good feeling.

Still, it's a little nerve-wracking. If you'll excuse me, I have to go finish up some final touches, and then I'll be off in this corner, hyperventilating into a paper bag.

So, if anyone reading this is gonna be in the East Bay tonight, pop on by. Hosted by the Rock Paper Scissors Collective, at the lovely and historic Sweets Ballroom. Doors open at 7. Should be a fun time.

Zombie Jesus Day Symbolism: Teh Brain-Nomming Of The Saved

My brother has come up with a terrific ritual for commemorating the miracle of the resurrection of Our Zombie Horde Lord:

Happy Zombie Jesus Day to all. May Zombie Jesus eternally nom your brains and forever cleanse your souls. ... you know, or something. I haven't been to an Easter service in I don't know how long, so I can only assume that people celebrate the Dawn of the Dead Jesus H. Christ in such manners. I myself intend to honor his brain nommage by ritually biting the heads off of marshmallow peeps and dropping their remaining corpses into a cup of hot chocolate... cause... biting the heads resembles the brain nomming of the saved, and the hot chocolate resembles Hell...

There's gotta be a Bible reference for that shit somewhere, or at least some quote I could manipulate to make that sound true.

Amen. I'm off to make some cocoa, y'all.

My ears still bleed when I hear the dogwhistles...

You know, I've been struggling with the idea of explaining the New Apostolic Reformation---the particular brand of neocharismatic/dominionist theology I was involved with in the years directly preceding my departure from God altogether---not knowing where to begin, where to end. I'd been wavering between the need to explain the crazy, and the fear that I wouldn't be able to do so very well.

Well, guess what? I don't have to. It's been done already, and done exceptionally well:

Prayer Warriors and Palin Organizing Spiritual Warfare to Take Over America

Lest you think the title sounds a bit over the top...it really isn't. This article sums up pretty much everything I've wanted to explain about the NAR: the ubiquity, the subtlety, the militaristic structure, the aim to infiltrate and manipulate society from within as "rulers"...and the way it disguises itself in more innocuous forms to garner support from more moderate Christians (and even non-Christians).

It sums up perfectly why the thought of Sarah Palin in any position of power freaks me right the hell out (well, y'know, besides the standard "she's an empty-headed twit" thing). The leaders of the New Apostolic Reformation are not interested in democracy. They view themselves as spiritual royalty, and believe they have a mandate from God to rule. I've heard this preached from the pulpit, taught in conferences. I trust this article because, well, none of it sounds weird or over the top to me. It was my normal for so long, and I guess that hasn't fully gone away. Maybe it never will.

If you don't have time to read the whole thing, here's an excerpt:

BB: Why should the American people be concerned about the New Apostolic Reformation?

RT: I believe this movement's threat to separation of church and state is greater than some of the more overtly theocratic movements of the religious right. The inclusion of women and all races in leadership roles, and their enthusiastic sponsorship of social services conflicts with a popular notion about religious fundamentalism. Despite their radical strategies, leaders in the movement have been labeled in the press as moderate, including Apostle Samuel Rodriguez -- president of the Sacramento, Calif.-based National Hispanic Christian Leadership Conference -- who has been described as a "new evangelical."

Unsuspecting people are certainly becoming involved in New Apostolic activities without understanding its agenda. For example, the Global Day of Prayer sounds benign but was founded by Graham Power, head of the Africa division of Silvoso's International Transformation Network. Numerous citywide prayer efforts and pastors' networks are under the auspices of Wagner's apostles. Charities, social services, and "reconciliation" events appear to welcome all, but are designed as stealth evangelism to advance the "Kingdom."

In June, Lance Wallnau, an ICA apostle and motivational speaker for the Seven Mountain campaign, spoke on stealth evangelism at Wasilla Assembly of God. In Guatemalan jails, according to Wallnau, New Apostolics teach prisoners a secularized version of "Kingdom" worldview for a full year before making any attempt to convert them to "born-again" Christianity. Wallnau encouraged the congregation to follow this example for infiltrating the seven spheres of society.

(Emphasis mine, etc, etc...)

Tales Out Of School, Vol 2: FAIL

You know you had a "Christ-centered education" when you were taught to believe that your heart was deceptive, that your own understanding was not to be trusted, your thoughts and reasoning were worthless, anything good you ever did was like filthy rags in the sight of God, that your only worth was in how you metaphorically put your self to death...but that evolution and secular humanism are what's responsible for people having no self-worth these days.

(And when it took you well over ten years to realize what a monstrous logical fail this all is.)

Tales Out Of School, Vol 1: She Blinded Me With Science!

Many of you are likely familiar with the chemical reaction featured below. It's popular with high school chemistry teachers, probably because it's been scientifically proven that even the snottiest of snotty-ass teenagers will give you their undivided attention while you're setting things on fire.*

However, I'm guessing that for most of you, this demonstration didn't come prefaced with the announcement that "THIS little gummy bear didn't accept Jesus Christ as his personal Lord and Savior..."**



And THAT, kiddies, is what sets Christ-centered education apart from the rest!


*Ok, "scientifically proven" in the Ken Ham sense. Which pretty much means I pulled that out of my ass.
**I wish I were kidding, but that's pretty much verbatim. Slightly off topic but not quite: recently, a new Facebook group appeared in my little orbit, "You Know You Went To [Redacted Christian School] When...". I initially stayed away from it, as I tend to avoid like the plague anything that has to do with that place, until I found it was full of other people who felt the same way I did about the years of indoctrination. It's been sort of therapeutic, and certainly thought-provoking. There may be more posts on the subject soon.